


Love is a Losing Game

by Whisperingly (Glammons)



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Bisexual Panam Palmer, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28371996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glammons/pseuds/Whisperingly
Summary: It took V three weeks to realize that she was falling for Panam. It took Panam three months to realize she felt the same way. The problem is that a lot of things can change in three months. Especially when you’ve had your heart broken.
Relationships: Judy Alvarez/Female V, Panam Palmer/Female V, Panam Palmer/V
Comments: 17
Kudos: 96





	Love is a Losing Game

**Author's Note:**

> Cyberpunk 2077 Spoilers! Read at your own risk.

“V?” Panam asked over the line, not hearing anything but shuffling for a few moments.

“Sorry, yeah I’m here. What’s up Panam? The Raffen Shiv isn’t giving you more trouble?” V said after a few seconds. Panam heard someone else on the other end of the line, but whoever she was, was talking too quietly for Panam to make out her words. “Panam?” V prompted and she startled realizing she was way too concerned with the other voice. 

“No..no, everything’s quiet. Besides we have the Basilisk. I have something I wanted to talk to you about actually.” Panam said pacing around the edge of the camp as she said it. She hadn’t seen V in...awhile. And that sucked.

“I don’t know if I can Panam.” V said after another long pause. Panam heard the other voice whispering again.

“Please V? I know that things haven’t been great, but please?” Panam replied - hating the edge of desperation that entered her voice. “Mitch and the others miss you. Even Saul is saying it's been too long since you came around. And I miss you.” She said that last part quietly, not sure if it’d help or hinder her cause. She heard V sigh on the end of the line - another thing that had changed. Before she could call V and she’d come without even a question. Now it was like pulling teeth to get the other woman to come to the camp. The last few times she’d asked V hadn’t shown or hadn’t answered. But judging by their last serious conversation two months ago, Panam really couldn’t blame her. But she wanted to change that. She knew that V’d needed time, but she couldn’t give it to her anymore. She needed to fix this before she ended up with the opposite of what she wanted.

***************************************************

“Judy I have to go.” V said, shoving another set of clothes in her bag, along with a back-up pistol. “Panam is...they’re like my family.”

“I get it I do, but she broke your heart V.” Judy said leaning against the doorframe, wearing just pants and a bright red bra. “I don’t think you owe her anything.”

“I know, I know.” V muttered half to Judy half to herself. She turned, slinging the bag over her back. She walked over to where Judy was, placing one hand on the wall next to her and smiling at the other woman as she leaned in. “It’ll be fine. I’ll go see what she wants and then I’ll be back in Night City by tomorrow night.” Judy still looked concerned, but V cupped her face in her hand cradling it as she kissed her. 

“You don’t have feelings for her anymore?” Judy asked after they broke apart, and V could tell she’d been wondering about this for a while. She’d told her about what had happened with Panam a few days after it happened - but now she and Judy were together, not just friends. 

“Of course not.” V said, and the lie stung in her throat. She felt bad for lying, but it wasn’t like anything was going to happen with Panam. The other women had made that very clear. Besides she still had suspicions that Judy was holding on to feelings for Evelyn. It was a give and take.

“Okay, okay. I’ll see you when you get back, yeah?” Judy said turning away and waving one hand behind her as she headed into her office. 

“Of course.” V said. She turned towards the door heading out and down the fire escape.

“You gonna lie to that pretty thing forever or?” Johnny asked leaning against the stairs at the bottom.

“Fuck off.” V said, hoping on the bike that used to be Scorpions. She turned onto the road. It would take a few hours to reach the Aldacado’s new camp.

********************************************************

She pulled in just as it was getting dark. The Aldacado’s camp was a flutter of activity. God, she loved it here. It felt wild and free, not cramped and crowded like Night City. V smiled and nodded at a few people as she parked and made her way deeper into the camp. 

“Long time no see.” Said a familiar voice behind her as she headed towards Panam’s tent. She turned around with a grin already recognizing Mitch’s voice.

“I know, I know. It won’t be that long again.” V said taking Mitch’s hand and pulling him into a half hug. “You know where Panam is?” V asked pulling back. “She asked me to come.”

“She’s up on the hill with her car. Been acting odd all day. Maybe you can figure out what’s up with her.” Mitch said, the last half thrown over his shoulder as he headed deeper into the camp, giving V a pat on the shoulder. 

“Perhaps.” V muttered under her breath as she headed up the hill. Being back here wasn’t easy. Just reminded her of...what had happened. Telling Panam everything about the relic, Panam promising to help, and then telling her that she had feelings for her. Big feelings. Then Panam telling her that she didn’t return them - couldn’t. And V didn’t get it. She didn’t get how all the flirting and games had turned into Panam telling her that she would never have feelings for her. Could have at least let her down a little more gently...could have. She didn’t know. Nothing would have made it easier. 

“Stupid, stupid, shouldn’t have even...no reason to forgive me....so fucking stupid…” V heard Panam muttering under her breath as she approached her from behind. The Aldacado leader was standing facing the cliff rocking back and forth on her feet as she muttered to herself.

“Whatever it is I’m sure we can find a solution.” V said, and the nomad jumped cursing as she turned around. V couldn’t help the smile that flashed across her face as Panam turned her eyes sparking in the light from the setting sun.

“V! You scared me.” Panam said crossing her arms across her chest defensively, but a similar smile was on her face.

“Sorry. What’s wrong?” She asked leaning back against the car. It had been positioned to look over the cliff, blanket thrown over the hood. “You stargazing?” V asked surveying the set-up. 

“Look I’m just going to cut to the chase...been agonizing over this all day. I’m sorry for what I said. It wasn’t right...it wasn’t nice...and I didn’t mean it.” Panam said quickly, looking at her feet as she kicked the dirt a little. “So...yeah I’m sorry.” V’s mouth curved a little in a half smile. Panam crossed the space between them and leaned back against the car next to V.

“You’re forgiven. I just needed some space...but you’re one of my best friends. I can’t hold anything against you.” V said slowly carefully. Like she didn’t want to mess anything up again. Panam looked at her, and realized she didn’t get it.  _ I didn’t mean it _ . _ When I said I didn’t have feelings, when I said I never would, I didn’t mean it _ .

“I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship, but it ended up fucked anyways didn’t it?” Panam asked, looking directly at V’s face this time. Hurt flashed across V’s face for a second. “Be honest. Do you still feel the way you said you did?”

The last part was so quiet for a second Panam thought that V hadn’t heard her, but then the Merc stood up throwing her hands in the air. 

“Yes, okay? Yes. I’ve tried so hard to get over you. I’ve stayed away, I’ve put you out of my head, but the second, the  _ second  _ I hear your voice again it all comes back. So yeah. I want to be your friend, but I don’t think I can be  _ just  _ your friend. But that’s my fucking problem, not yours so -” V was cut off by Panam grabbing her by the shoulder. Their eyes met and half a second later they were kissing. This kiss was nothing like anything V had ever experienced before. It was all fire. Panam’s mouth was rough against hers, then teeth on lips and all of the sudden her tongue was in V’s mouth. It felt like only seconds when they both pulled away gasping, and V already wanted to kiss her again. It was nothing like kissing Judy it was -  _ crap, Judy _ .

“That’s what I wanted to tell you.” Panam said, her voice sounding smug and out of breath all the same time. V really needed to tell her. She really needed to tell her that she was dating Judy now, she really - but then she was kissing Panam again. She wasn’t sure who had started it this time, but somehow they ended up on the hood of Panam car the nomad on top of her making out like teenagers let out after curfew for the first time. After a few minutes Panam rolled off, laying next to her on the hood of the car. V reached out grabbing her hand and Panam squeezed it.

“Of all the things I was expecting...that was not one of them.” V said turning so she was facing Panam. Panam smiled back, her eyes crinkling adorably and her lips looking beautifully swollen. V reached out her other hand running it along the side of her face like this was a dream and she was waiting to wake up. 

“I’m sorry it took me awhile to figure it out, but I want to be with you. I want to see where this takes us.” Panam whispered her voice softly, and it sounded like she’d been thinking about this for a while. “Do you still want to?”

V hesitated. Did she tell her about Judy? Did she not pursue this and go back to Judy? Did she just break it off with Judy and never tell Panam? Did she tell her?

“You’re more like me then I thought.” Johnny said from the top of the car, smoking another damn cigarette. She wasn’t. She wasn’t like him. She’d lied to Judy the entire two weeks they’d been together. She couldn’t lie to Panam now. She wouldn’t.

“I never stopped caring about you. I want to be with you, of course I do. I just have a slight problem.” V said her voice shifted from passionate to hesitation.

“You’re seeing someone else aren’t you?” Panam asked, keeping her hand tight in V’s. V didn’t respond and that was answer enough. “Fuck.”

“I’ll fix this. I’ll...I just have to talk with her.” V said quickly, putting her hand on Panam’s shoulder. 

“If you don’t want to be with me that’s okay. Hell knows that I put us in this situation.” Panam said with a resigned sigh, she met V’s eyes again, leaning forward to press her lips against the merc’s again. “Hell, I’m regretting saying that, don’t listen. Pick me.”

V smiled, and Panam laughed. She leaned forward this time kissing the nomad roughly.

“How I feel about her? Doesn’t hold a candle to how I feel about you.” V said roughly and Panam smiled rolling back on top of V to kiss her again. It would matter tomorrow. If V was a better person it would matter right now, but for now she was where she was supposed to be. 

“I’ll hold you to it.” 

**Author's Note:**

> This is shamelessly me catering to wanting Panam to be bisexual. Or at least interested in my V. God I'm still devastated. It's fine. Everything is FINE. Let me know what you think. I love comments. :)


End file.
